fake it til you make it - Part 2
On my first away trip, I had understood that I travelled with the team. I think we went to France, but that’s irrelevant. I had to travel on the coach and the plane with the players. There was only one other woman on this trip and she had been there for 1500 years, so we can safely assume she had already proved why she was there. My predecessor had told me that I would have to do it, I knew all the other club press officers did it and, if I didn’t do it, who would a) write the match report and b) who would sort out the pre and post-match press conferences. However, we got there the day prior to the match and all settled into the hotel. I hadn’t been given a squad number (which meant I took my own luggage, unlike everyone else with branded luggage) and I only had one branded T-Shirt. I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I swallowed it down and got on with it. After the evening meal I went to go to my room. I had had enough of sticking out for one evening, but just as I went to head up the stairs the club captain pulled me aside.
“Kate, why are you here?” he asked me. For a moment I didn’t realise what he meant. Why was I in the corridor? Well, obviously I was heading on my way up to bed, but then he said it again and added “here, in France,” to the end of it. I felt like I had been slapped across the face. I’m sure my cheeks looked like I had. What he was asking me was why had I come on the trip? I frowned at him, dumbstruck, and so he repeated the question again, but this time explaining to me “that the other press officers never used to come.” Well, for a start, I knew this wasn’t true. I knew my predecessor did and I also knew for certain that the chap before her used to travel on the away trips as well. How would any of the match reports get written or any of the post-match press conferences be managed if I wasn’t there. The drill was always that I would have to collect the Head Coach after a match and one or two players who had had a big impact on the game and take them to the press conference room. I would also be the one to make sure it didn’t go on too long and that they could move on if any uncomfortable questions were asked.
Looking back at that moment, I can’t remember what I replied to him. I probably said what I have just written here, that I thought it was what was done previously and I wasn’t sure how my part of the job would happen if I wasn’t there to do it. However, it really hurt. It hurt because I deeply respected this player, probably more than any other player I ever ended up working with and for him to basically put into question my motivation for ‘doing my job’ was crushing. His implication was, simply, that I was just there to hang out with the players. Now, I wish I had said to him that that was deeply offensive and it was his misogynistic view of women in sport that would inform his decision to question the validity of my existence on the trip and that really he should just concentrate on his performance on the pitch and not about what I was doing, but I didn’t. Instead, I went up to my room and cried my eyes out.
It was a valuable lesson though. Firstly, it taught me that, as a woman, I would have to work 100% harder than a male just to prove that I had a right to be there and secondly, that no matter what shit they decided to throw at me, I was going to let it run off my back. No one was going to make me feel that small and that insulted again. I was going to prove to them that I was the absolute best at my job and no matter what reason they thought I had for being there, I would be the best and, in the end, they would rely on me for that. At some point, their careers might depend on it.
So, I applied my rule of ‘just sodding go for it until you feel confident you are doing it to the best of your ability’ mindset and it soon started to rub off. My next challenge with this was the team photo. Take a moment, if you will, and picture a rowdy group of 5 year olds. They are all hyper, they all want to mess around and none of them want to be told what to do. You ask them to take a seat for a photo together. To make the process easier, you have already worked out (exactly) everyone’s height and therefore where they should stand or sit. I’m sure you are picturing children running riot, pulling each other’s hair and blowing raspberries? Well, if you are, that’s pretty close to organising a team photo for 40 rugby players. I even remember saying to them in my best teacher voice “the sooner we get this done, the sooner you can go home.” That went down well with them, I can tell you!
However, whilst they were winding me up I told myself I was not going to let them grind me down and if I could just get this box ticked, I would be one step closer to feeling confident about my own ability and my own validity. No one was going to distract me from my goal and I was not going to let them know that I was flustered, so I held my head high, bossed them around and prayed that it was going to be over quickly. It actually did end up getting done pretty quickly and the result was good. Hurdle jumped.
A good analogy for this sort of situation is that of horses. When I was a young teen, I worked in a local stables over the summer holidays. I had the job of looking after this handsome pony called Callboy. Now, I’m not sure why I was ever given him to look after, because I was a nervous rider and he was a cheeky sod. If anyone has ever told you that animals can sense your fear, that is never truer than with a horse. That chap would try and chuck me off his back at any given notice if I didn’t show him who was boss, and he did chuck me off a few times. In one of our final clashes of wills, I had taken him into his field after a long hack. I had been asserting my authority throughout, making sure he didn’t bolt off with me, or ignore where I was telling him to go. I thought I had done rather well and, for once, that I had won our power struggle of the day. Callboy had other ideas. As I led him into the field, he turned round while I was holding his lead, looked me square in the eye and trod on my foot. Usually when your horse or pony realises they are standing on you, they step off. I pushed and pushed, but he wouldn’t move and that whole time he looked me straight in the eye and, if he could have spoken, he would have most definitely said, “don’t you ever forget who the boss really is!” My foot was so bruised and swollen after that that I couldn’t go back to the stables and the summer ended before I could go back into battle. Yep, he had won.
All of the endless trials to prove myself were draining, I have to admit, but they were also building a fighting spirit in me. Again, I would keep telling myself, I am good at my job, I am worthy of this job, no one can make me feel anything less than I know I am.
The Pro Tip:
You have to believe in yourself, no matter what. You will get there and the good fight is always worth fighting. Stick at it. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
If you’re put under pressure, stay cool and give yourself time to work out the solution and remember - you should be there!
You can do it. You will do it. You are capable of doing it.
How to Apply to Life:
1. Pause Before You React
When emotions run high, it’s tempting to respond immediately. Don’t. Take a moment to breathe, step back, and create space between the trigger and your response.
Quick tip: Try the 5-5-5 method — take 5 deep breaths, wait 5 minutes, and write down 5 things you’re feeling. If you aren’t in a position to do this - just count to 5 before responding!
2. Reflect, Don’t Ruminate
It’s important to process your thoughts, but avoid looping over the same doubts. Use structured reflection to move forward.
Try this journal prompt (or just think about it):
What happened? What did I learn? What do I want to do next?
3. Reconnect With Your “Why”
In moments of doubt, go back to your core values and goals. Why did you choose this path? What does success look like for you?
Write your “why” on a post-it and stick it where you’ll see it every day.
4. Don’t Let Others Derail You
People will question your dreams—sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of love. But their doubts don’t define you.
Mindset shift: Their opinion is information, not instruction. Take what’s useful, and discard the rest.
5. Use Setbacks as Fuel
Every challenge is a chance to build resilience. Let hard moments sharpen your determination, not weaken your resolve.
Ask yourself:
What is this teaching me? How can I use this to grow?